For those of you who have difficulty recognizing, avoiding, and dismissing angry women, I offer the following letter from a reader responding to NoNonsense Dating Tip #21. Learn from it. -- MHR

Dear Marc,

Thanks for the tips. I use them. I have a field story for you.

Yesterday morning, I was sitting at Barnes and Noble, quietly doing some mathematics. (I'm a math grad student.) An average looking woman was sitting next to me, reading. After a few minutes, she noticed I was doing math.

She asked me, "Are you a professor?"

I answered, "No, I teach mathematics on a fellowship. I'm a grad student."

She asked, "Why?"

"Well, please join me and we can chat about it." Hey you never know. I try to talk to people a lot. My work can be a little reclusive.

She moved to my table and asked again, "Why math?"

"Well, it's a long story. I came to Dallas by a circuitous route. I was living in Hong Kong when my father had the first of two devastating heart attacks. He had a serious talk with me on the phone..."

"Well, you must be trust-fund baby."

I was startled. Her comments were completely out of context. I just told her about my father's illness, and she basically attacks me. "No, I come from a family of farmers. In the entire history of my family, I'm the first to go to college. Anyway, my father gave me some advice, and I followed it."

I tried to keep the conversation going. "My father said: 'Instead of working at a job you hate, retire now. Do what you want to do when you retire, and do it now. Figure out how to make money from that. I'm not lying here in intensive care wishing I had spent more days in the office.' It turned out that my business in Hong Kong established enough money for me to become a mathematician. And math doesn't take much money to do. So, that's how I got into math."

She became slightly angry. "What if someone grew up poor, and he doesn't want to live that way anymore?"

I said, "Great! That's a fine goal. It just turned out that my goal, math research, doesn't cost much. So, I can easily pursue it right now."

This made her even more angry. I couldn't figure it out, so I told her she had to leave. She was awestruck. I told her that she was being rude and disputatious. "I have plenty of competitors, and I don't need another one. Besides, my friend Pam is on the way. Please leave."

She still didn't move. I told her I was serious: please leave my table. I bet she had never been told "no." She skulked around until Pam arrived, then she stalked out.

In a previous life, I probably would have have pursued her and tried to win her approval. Never again.

Regards,
Jeff